Songs about feelings (R.E.M., Audioslave, The Avett Brothers)

I made it through turkey day. I’m a few pounds heavier from all the carbs (and mounds of whipped cream on top of the pumpkin pie), but I was happy to have the time to spend with my family. My music picks for this week are about moments of vulnerability. In each of these, I am amazed with the level of honesty and exposure and how it leads to something so beautiful.
Audioslave – Like a Stone


I really thought this song was about love. Wikipedia corrected me. It is about a man, all alone, waiting to die. It disturbs me how much I want to dance to this song. It's also unsettling that I listened to this on repeat for a day and a half. It is philosophical and makes me think. Sometimes, I need to think. And sometimes for a day and a half on repeat in my car, I just want to get lost in Chris Cornell’s sweet, sweet voice.

R.E.M. – World Leader Pretend

I have listened to this song hundreds of times. I have a habit of getting sucked into an R.E.M. vortex where I found it impossible to listen to anything else. However, the other day, I really heard this song for the first time. It is a stubborn, lonely song. I always heard it as a song about self-empowerment, but now I hear a story about someone who is hiding and protecting himself. At the end, he does ask for someone to make it cool to come out of the hiding. Maybe it’s a little of both. Maybe it is just a reflection of the day I was having when I listened to it.

The Avett Brothers – I Would Be Sad

I guess that it wasn’t really much of a stretch to put an Avett Brothers song in a post about emotional vulnerability and honesty, but I have been on a serious tear of listening to this song. It makes me want to give him a hug and tell him that it will all get better. And then I cringe, thinking of all of the times that I felt so desperate to get some guy’s attention. It always feels so dramatic and serious at the time.It is both good and a little sad to realize how such strong feelings can fade or change. I also haven't lost the irony of how I’m totally embarrassed for myself but sympathetic to others.

Bibliophilia: Book 35

My reading has slowed down dramatically in the last month. The list of books that I'm currently reading has grown exponentially and I hit a roadblock book. You know, the type. It isn't so bad that you give up, but you just can't quite get into it, so you’ll do just about anything other than reading. I guess that I'm far too stubborn to give up. Luckily, I finally finished the book earlier this week.

Halfway to the Grave (Book 1) - Jeaniene Frost


I didn't hate this book, but I didn’t love it. The reviews on Amazon and Shelfari were fantastic, so I was expecting more. The characters were interesting enough, but it felt like everything (every description, plot twist, etc.) took too long to develop. Maybe I wasn't in the right frame of mind because I normally eat up these cheesy vampire novels. Growing up, I taunted my sister for her love of smutty, romance novels. While reading this, all I could think was how the literary mighty have fallen. I won't be finishing out the series. Ironically, I still didn't totally hate it. If it came out as a movie, I think the story might even be pretty interesting.

Anyway, the reading roadblock was happily cleared. I am now lost in the crazy, cracked out land of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Most of last night, I had nightmares about bad trips with lots of lizard people and bats. Thank you, Hunter S Thompson.

"Washed in Black..." (and then some color)

When I paint, I pick out some cool vinyl and then get lost in the mess of emotions and colors for hours. My favorites have always been Rolling Stone’s Flowers or anything by Simon & Garfunkel.

The other night I listened to the remastered version of Pearl Jam's Ten on vinyl. I’ve always loved the album because it is so angry and full of energy, but I hadn’t ever realized how much darkness is in there. I was particularly taken with the lyric “washed in black, tattooed everything” (well I’ve always loved that lyric really), so I started playing around with the idea of what things would look like washed in black. Plus, I like any excuse to make a mess with paint.

Here’s a black and white version:

And then, I tried one in color:

Normally, I prefer black and white, but on this go, I’m voting for the color version. These were fun to paint, so I might just play around a bit more with some different color combinations.

Songs to even out my scrobbles... (Airborne Toxic Event, Justin Townes Earle, Candlebox)

I had to force myself to listen to something other than Pearl Jam this week. I’m pretty sure that no one wanted to read another post where I get all nostalgic about being 14 and then get all moony over the front man and his weird emotional quirks. Plus, this week, I’m into bassist, so here’s to you Jeff Ament and your 20 years of funny hats.

The Airborne Toxic Event – Welcome to Your Wedding Day

I have been meaning to post this song for a few weeks. I wanted to pair it with other songs that made me want to dance. Plus, I’ve been trying to figure out what the song is about. I hear a deep social commentary about our government and war. I hoped that a few more listens would make it more clear. Mostly, this song makes me want to dance (and yell and kick stuff) and then day dream about Mikel Jollett (he's got a sexy mouth like that guy on Burn Notice). That in itself is reason enough to post.

Justin Townes Earle – Learning To Cry

Ahh, Justin Townes Earl. From what I can tell, the dude has a pretty crazy life story, but he creates some seriously awesome music. I would try to classify it, but each album has a bit of a different sound. This song in particular strikes me as really old style country. Every time it shuffles in, I find it impossible to say no. It gets stuck in my head and heart. It is so super smooth.

This is a live version, but I seriously suggest that you listen to the album version.

Candlebox – Far Behind

Last night, I came across a 90s music folder on my external hard drive. It was filled with one-off gems from the 90’s that I forgot that I had. It was also filled with songs that I can't believe that I ever purchased or wanted to keep (aka Hey Leonardo). It was a fun time capsule. It contained this song.

A few weeks ago, I read that this is one of many songs written for Andrew Wood (see also: Alice in Chains’s Would? and the Temple of Dog album). I always thought this was a love song. I’m not sure why, but I’m guessing that I never spent a lot of time actually listening to the lyrics. I listen to it differently now.

This is such a strange video, but I really wish that someone would make wearing skirts with Doc Martens and flannels and thermals come back in style (especially for appropriate work wear). Please?

Dear Me (#tweetyour16yearoldself)

My Dear Evil Annie Woo (February 1996),

Happy 16th Birthday. It was quite a day, eh? Stop pretending that you're embarrassed by all of the attention and just admit that you loved it. Now, I'm 31, about twice your age. It sounds old, but most days I feel younger than I did at your age. That crazy Algebra teacher was right when she told you that your 30s would be awesome.

I know that you're still sad about having to move to Florida, but don't dwell on it. I remember those times well and you're having a great time. Enjoy the concerts, your friends, your family, and all of the wonderful things you are learning. Keep dreaming up all those amazing things that you'll be able to do when you're say, oh I don't know... 31.

Here's some advice that might allow you to stop worrying a bit:

Your dad will disappear for good this year. I know that you don't really care now, but later in life, you will dwell on it. He is NOT worth it. Focus more on the amazing people, like your mom and sisters, that always there for you. Enjoy every minute with your Grandma and Grandpa and ask lots of questions. You will miss them so much when they are gone.

You're a smart girl. Sometimes people will give you a hard time because things seem to come so easy for you. It's not necessarily true. You work hard and put your heart into things, so don't let anyone make you feel like you can't enjoy and be proud of yourself for all of the wonderful things you're about to accomplish.

This one is extremely important, I know that people like to tell you that you're too emotional... fuck them. Being emotional is a gift, and it makes you extremely special. Think of all of the people who you love and admire for being emotional... Paul Simon, Eddie Vedder, John Lennon, John Steinbeck, and John Hughes... and so many more to come as you get older. Plus, emotions fuel your writing and make it beautiful.

Don't be afraid of things that are difficult... especially playing guitar! Ask for help sometimes! And very important, don't let anyone make you feel scared of doing things that feel right in your heart (your instincts rock!). When you really want and believe in something, you have more strength and courage than you can imagine. BTW, when you finally cut your hair, it's going to look great!

Sometimes you question not fitting in. Stick to your ideals. Somewhere in your mid-twenties you start giving up your ideals to  fit in. It makes you very, VERY unhappy. You see the world differently and while that can set you apart, it also ensures that you are surrounded by people who love you for exactly who you are. There won't be a shortage.

I would tell you to stop being so boy crazy, but you won't change. I know. Try to be more sincere and open with the ones you really care about. I know that it intimidates and makes you feel insecure, but there are a few that you let get away by being too scared. You'll really regret that. There isn't a shortage of wonderful boys that can see you, but you're going to have to open your eyes and stop focusing on the troubled ones all the time.

I know that you love  McDonald's fries and Smarties, but give us a break in the future and throw some healthier foods in there sometimes?

Keep writing and designing those journals. The all caps is annoying and sometimes I laugh at the mellow drama in the poetry, but they still bring me tremendous joy. Remember that writing and art can always heal you and will keep you strong and emotionally healthy.

Oh, and you have an awesome record collection. When you try to get rid of it and Mom asks you repeatedly if you are sure, listen to her. You will be sick over what you gave away and spend a lot of money trying to get it back.

Mostly, you are amazing. Look forward to the future, but make sure that you are having fun and enjoying it, ok?

With all of my love,
Your slightly older yet still awesome self in November 2011.


Update: Just to explain, this blog post is in response to a lovely book called Dear Me, which is a collection of letters that celebrities wrote to their 16 year old selves with advice. A few months back, I posted about the British version and since then a great American edition has been released. I submitted my letter and it is now included on the blog. You should check it out here, look around, read other posts, and write one of your own. It is such a great concept and does wonders for cleaning out some of the adolescent rubbish that lingers in your brain.

http://www.dearme.org/readersletter/?p=167

Steven Tyler vs. Peter Frampton

Despite the evidence in the following video, I'm still pretty sure that Steven Tyler would take out Peter Frampton in a battle for Penny Lane/Lucy/Strawberry Field's heart. Aside from this fight scene, this movie turns the awesomness of the Beatles into a total snoozer.

Cameron Crowe, PJ20, and a look back at my adolescence...

I was finally able to watch Pearl Jam 20 and I lurvey, lovey, loved it. Granted, I was raised on healthy doses of Fast Times, Say Anything and Singles, so Mr. Crowe had me from hello.  I know, bad joke. Sincerely though, I am forever influenced by his work. I dig how he sees the world. I am forever changed by the lovely perfection of Llloyd Dobler and my never ending adolescent fantasies that if I could just get to Seattle I could live in the same apartment building as Eddie Vedder (hint, hint, wink, wink... if you know what I mean). 

So, on the completely awesome note, a big  thank you to PBS for airing Pearl Jam 20 (Any chance that you’ll be showing Living in The Material World anytime soon? Please, please please? I need to know the intimate details about George Harrison!).  It was two hours of history, great music, and a bit of a step back into my younger “grunge” years.  I was definitely singing along and I won't deny that I tried to recreate a bit of my slam dancing days. Did head banging always make me that dizzy or am I just getting that old?

In 1993, I was 13, and every inch of my bedroom walls was covered with photos and posters of Pearl Jam. I would buy Rolling Stone, Spin, and those old rocker magazines with the pullout posters and carefully save any photos that I could find.  Ironically, I'm pretty sure that Vedder wore the exact same brown shirt for all of 1992 and 1993. Good music was a serious way of life those days. Ok, so it still is. The fun part about the documentary is that it was an amazing way to see what life was like for them and get to see the progression of how they have continued to evolve into amazing artists.

On a side note, why was Stone Gossard such a curmudgeon and has anyone else noticed that he sorta looks like Paul Feig (superhero of Freaks and Geeks awesomeness)?  Excuse my brain, I apparently have severe ADHD.

I especially loved the interviews with Chris Cornell. He was engaging and real. He provided a really interesting perspective on the band and the time period. I would love to hang out with him and just hear his stories. Chris Cornell if you're listening, we should totally hang at Starbucks sometime and just shoot the shit. 

And finally, the soundtrack is a great compilation of performances used in the film. I have really enjoyed the listen and in my own special tribute, I've selected my ten favorite Pearl Jam songs... for today. The list might change by tomorrow, so I need to hurry up and post this.

10. Just Breathe (A triple swooner)

9. Harvest Moon/Last Kiss (Both amazing covers, and I couldn't pick just one.)

8. Porch (At 13 and and now at 31, I really love singing the f-bomb)

7. Nothingman (And he who forgets, will be destined to remember...)

6. Oceans (Just generally amazing)

5. Go (Just try to listen and not totally rock out to this song... I wanted to put Animal too since I always listen to them together)

4. I Am Mine (I only own my mind... I try to remind myself of this daily.)

3. Man of the Hour (Eddie Vedder song for a Tim Burton movie, need I say more?)

2. Rearviewmirror (Best song to growl along to ever.)

1. Black (Pretty certain that this is all my all time favorite song ever. I've listened to it more times than is sane. I can never skip it when it shuffles in on my iPod. I love singing it on Rock Band. It's perfect for car singing. It might just be my musical kismet.)